just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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