your room smells of hookers.
And success
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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