My nipple is on Facebook.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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