She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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