take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
