everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
