There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Randomize
