I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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