You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
