i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
