Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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