i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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