Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
