I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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