remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
