if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
