Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
