dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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