I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
