i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was born a porn star she said
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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