You just made me feel so damn special
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize