bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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