We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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