do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
