Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
