I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
