I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
