1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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