the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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