is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
