it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
