At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
