u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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