Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
