I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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