My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
