apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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