Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
