Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
