what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
