Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
