Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
