what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
