i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Mom said you looked used
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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