So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
