White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
