i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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