I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
