I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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