We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
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Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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