oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
