My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
