Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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