So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
