And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
