With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Randomize
