People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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