You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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