A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
