CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
