My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
