Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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