We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
