your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
