Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
