i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
