I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
