i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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