I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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