awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
