I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
