Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
